Category: Day to day life

For those who are wondering, Grace is now officially one day overdue and counting. We went for a stress test last Thursday (on the baby, not on me). And all signs point to “normal”… so the doctors are not in a hurry to rush baby girl Chu until next week. They’ve given baby girl Chu until June 13th to pop naturally. Or she’s going to have to surrender that comfortable womb and return that belly to her mommy with help of us inconsiderate adults.

Grace is doing fine — still walking and bouncing (figuratively speaking) around with lots of energy. She’s been on her nesting mode for a couple of weeks. So this should give her an extra week to tidy things up before the little one is fully baked (or over baked?).

As for me, here’s a poem rigged from Robert Frost’s “Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening” that describes my situation best:

The nights are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And thousands of images to go before I sleep,
And thousands of images to go before I sleep.

I named this poem “Stopping by Lightroom On A Humid Evening.”

It took me 3 hours to get home on Friday from work. The passengers on my Caltrain cart soon learned that someone had committed suicide at one of the stations (San Antonio).

About two and half hours into the delay, my cart passed the San Antonio station where the suicide occurred. I saw a couple of workers in white full body anti-contamination suits still cleaning up the tracks. Though there was no sign of blood or body parts, bright colored, official-looking plastic bags with “stuff” inside of them were still visible from where I sat. They were probably bits and pieces of human remains.

One passenger complained those who chose Caltrain as a method of suicide were very inconsiderate. They cause enormous delays and inconveniences for others. But I guess death in any situation, suicide or not, is an inconvenience for those who are involved.

On the whole trip home I wondered if it was harder to commit suicide or to live with what life has dealt us. Choosing to commit suicide is just so counter intuitive to nature that when what all living beings do in the worst of conditions is trying to survive. Have we humans become so arrogant against nature as to defy what all living beings have the innate ability to do?

I can only keep wondering.

The Missouri trip was a lot more draining and tiring than I’d expected. The nine days I was there taught me a lot about quite a few things… And overall, I think I am a better person (and photographer) because of the trip.

So what have I learned from this trip?

1. Midwest Chinese food sucks no matter how much the locals rave about it — it ain’t Chinese… It’s… Frankenstein Americanese food…

2. People who are serious about guns and treating them as sporting equipment make tremendous financial, emotional and physical investments in the sport.

3. Action pistol is an expensive sport — each round of bullet costs $0.30 (more if custom made). And on an average practice shooting session, one can go through 700 to 1,000 rounds — that’s each day times almost seven days a week.

4. Based on what I gathered, action pistol sport is 10% skills and 90% mental, just like many competitive sports. They say you can only learned so much on the skills, and the rest is all in the mind.

5. Most shooters I met are great people — not the “red neck” image I’d stereotyped them as. But that changed when I heard the speech from the president of NRA on the last night of the event. He made a few comments about NRA, guns and politics that made me shake my head a few times even among a room full of gun owners…

6. Missouri does have a NPR station. But I guess it doesn’t get enough funding to have all the good stuff that other big cities enjoy. Instead, it plays classical music most of the time for which I mistakenly wrote it off entirely as a NPR-less state.

7. Driving on gravels can feel like driving on ice sometimes — when it skids, the car may or may not stop…

8. There’s a place for big gas goessling American trucks, and that place is called the American Midwest. And I don’t mean it in a sarcastic or negative way. When my client wasn’t practicing shooting, I took some time off to drive around “the woods” in the more rural areas of Missouri. And I soon realized those were no place for luxury gas-friendly Toyotas or Lexuses… Those were some rough roads with car-unfriendly conditions. And by being big, cheap(er) and possibly more capable of standing up to abuse, American trucks would fare well there. And indeed 90% of trucks I saw there were American — and they are huge and mighty.

9. For whatever reason, gas prices in Missouri was just as expensive as California.

10. Australians have far superior gun control laws than those in the United States. Americans could learn a few things from the Australians on gun control.

I enjoyed the trip, enjoyed seeing more nature, and enjoyed the learning experience. I look forward to processing 3,500+ images I shot there in the coming days…

In less than eight hours, I will be flying to Missouri for a seven-day photography assignment. Actually, nine days counting the two days of travel. It’s a bit overwhelming in many ways.

My client is known as the best woman action pistol shooter in the history of the sport. Though I am not all that fond of guns, I’ve come to appreciate the discipline and focus it takes to master the “sport” by having to study my client and the sport. This will be the first time I am going to be surrounded by constant firing of gun shots (counting out experiences in Savannah, ha!).

The assignment is especially overwhelming because of the discipline that’s going to be required of me having to follow the daily regiments of my client (whom is an early riser). This is also happening at a time when a lot is happening in my life — entertaining an active three-year-old, expecting a newborn in less than three weeks, a demanding new full-time contract gig… etc. The assignment is also mentally and physically overwhelming because of the scope, distance and the relative significance of the event my client is participating in.

For this assignment, I rented a Nikon D300 body, a Nikon 70-200mm/f2.8 VR lens and an Epson portable media backup drive as an insurance policy in case my own equipment fails. This is also a prefect opportunity for me to find out if I am capable of carrying heavy duty equipment for an extended period of time — something many wedding photographers do all the time, which is a market I’d like to get into because of all the explosive emotions in such events (and not to mention the relatively high pay out if I am really good at it).

Enough babbling… Time to get some sleep before the 5:30am wake up call from the shuttling service to the airport. Good times.

I’ve learned a lot over the past couple of weeks about a few things — about my family, about my extended family, about myself, and even about the American culture*, but above all, about my father. The Dead can really facilitate a lot of changes for the Living.
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The progression of thoughts upon hearing the passing of my father went something like this:
WTF? –> What happened? –> How did it happen? –> When? –> Who was there? –> WTF?

And then various stages of grieving process start to take place: denial, anger… blah blah and then finally acceptance. While I had no reason to go through the “anger” stage per se, I’ve had to take the “acceptance” stage rather quickly for practical reasons**.

It’s probably not healthy, but I simply haven’t got the time to be completely depressed about what happened… I tried getting back to work right away, but I was always distracted with thoughts and regrets lingering in my head. A man simply can’t work like this.
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It seemed too early to think about what to do with my father’s belongings and assets he left behind in Indonesia where he worked, but my uncles had the foresight to think ahead and had already raised a few questions. My brother thought it’s ridiculous to think about that while we were still grieving. But such as the reality of death — inheritance (and the said taxes), legal battles on ownership claims of not-easily-documentable assets, people who owe him money, or allegedly loaned him money… etc.

I wish I could offer some help, but my pathetic immigration predicament has squarely put me in the “useless” column on their list. And that’s just how I’d been feeling — useless.
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Grace and I have been talking about our “exit strategy”. And I think we’ve reached a comfortable solution with a few wrinkles to be ironed out. While we don’t have any details to offer, at least we now have a more focused direction and practical steps to achieve our objectives (except for the wrinkles).
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My youngest uncle took a trip to Indonesia. He went there not only to tidy up some loose end, but also to investigate on what really caused my father’s heart attack, a condition novel in the Chu family tree. His quest brought back some very sad, as well as, some very bright stories about my father, the man and the Buddha that he was. He spent his life keeping many things to himself that others would have been very loud-mouth about (i.e. me!). We now wish he hadn’t been so quiet about all those wonderful (as well as crazy) things that was happening around him.

Maybe I’ll blog about those stories if I can find a way good to tell them without doing them injustice.
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I got some closure after having learned that an uncle-in-law recorded the funeral. He came last week and handed me the two discs of DVDs he made from the funeral (as well as a wedded that my dad attended). The moment he handed me the DVDs, I felt much better already (though to-date, I still haven’t the gut to pop them into my computer to watch them yet). But at least now I can feel like I was somehow there to share the pain and grief of everyone else who attended.

* I had no idea it’s an American custom to offer food to the family of the deceased as a way to show condolence. As soon as Grace’s mommy group learned the news, offers to bring food and other things started pouring in. After having spent fourteen years in America, it took an unfortunate event for me to learn this.

** The day that I learned the news, I found myself having to reply to a client with emails on this project they still owe me a lot of money for, the money I knew I’d need pretty soon. And I needed to reply those emails to get their asses moving on getting their part done so they can pay me. It’s been a couple of weeks, and I am still chasing after that money!